To be completely honest, I am not happy with how I am parenting. I love my kids so much that it hurts sometimes. But being a parent has never felt comfortable for me. The responsibility to help such a small being develop into a fully function adult is overwhelming sometimes. I want them to be good hearted and kind, I want them to be polite and generous, I want them to be strong emotionally so that whatever life throws at them they can handle. I want so much for them and it’s so hard knowing if I’m doing the right thing. Or knowing that sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m not. I forget sometimes that they are only four, that they don’t know better, that physiologically and psychologically they CAN’T know any better – they are still getting there. And yet I still have these throw down screaming matches with them because I just don’t have my shit together yet and somehow I expect them to. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend all my time beating myself up for these things – but I know I should do better – I can do better – and that they deserve it.