Becoming a Better Parent

To be completely honest,  I am not happy with how I am parenting.  I love my kids so much that it hurts sometimes.  But being a parent has never felt comfortable for me.  The responsibility to help such a small being develop into a fully function  adult is overwhelming sometimes.  I want them to be good hearted and kind, I want them to be polite and generous, I want them to be strong emotionally so that whatever life throws at them t20160808_133403hey can handle.  I want so much for them and it’s so hard knowing if I’m doing the right thing.  Or knowing that sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m not.  I forget sometimes that they are only four, that they don’t know better, that physiologically and psychologically they CAN’T know any better – they are still getting there.  And yet I still have these throw down screaming matches with them because I just don’t have my shit together yet and somehow I expect them to.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t spend all my time beating myself up for these things – but I know I should do better – I can do better – and that they deserve it.

I read a book called Parent Effectiveness Training (PET) by Dr. Thomas Gordon and I really liked the theory.  I do believe children deserve more respect than they are given.  Just because they are littler than us and don’t have as much experience doesn’t mean they are somehow less than us.  Tonight we start our first night of PET classes – it felt like I needed more than just the book – and my husband and I both needed to come from the same place.  I’m pretty sure some of my friends and family think, that’s a lot of money to spend on parenting, but in my mind it’s just like any other job in that you always should be learning and growing to become the best at it you can be.  I’ve also started listening to Kevin Geary over at Revolutionary Parenting.  He says some wonderfully insightful things that really makes you think about your relationship with your child/children and how you want it to be.  I do feel that you can be successful at being a peaceful parent – without having to use threats or bribes or punishments.  I’ve used all of these and I gotta tell you, it doesn’t seem to help any of us.   My hope is that I’ll come out of this class with a better understanding of myself and tools to ease those moments of struggle with the girls.   I plan on documenting things I’ve learned and steps I’ve taken to implement these tools into our everyday life.  Who knows, maybe it will change my life…

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