It seems like every age is hard when you are in the middle of it. Right now my girls are four years old and it’s hard sometimes. I love my girls dearly and I try to enjoy the moments… most of them at any rate. To be honest, they aren’t all enjoyable – sometimes they just downright suck! Those are the moments when you think to yourself, “just get me to the other side.” When the kids are screaming, not listening, throwing tantrums, not listening, being careless, did I mention not listening? And I know, they are four… these behaviors are normal and just part of learning how to interact with their environment and others in it. But sometimes normal four year old behavior is hard to handle. And don’t even get me started on when they are sick! As a mom I feel helpless during these times – am I doing the right thing? Maybe I should be more strict? Maybe I should be more lenient? I should definitely rein in my language – seriously, I rarely cussed before I had kids. The strongest sense of helplessness I’ve felt (lately) is during night terrors. I don’t know if they are officially night terrors, but they definitely have some of the characteristics of them. One night, maybe 90 minutes after going to bed, Heather started screaming in her room so I went to check on her. I tried to console her, even though she wasn’t awake (because it makes me feel like I’m doing something). Then she started crying, asking “Where are you mommy?” over and over again. I kept telling her I was right there even though I knew she wasn’t aware of me. And it was painful. A kind of pain that I had never felt before I had children – that I wouldn’t have believed was possible before children. I wanted to protect her and be there for her… and I couldn’t do a darn thing. Eventually it passed and she calmed back down into sleep. But that… that was hard. But in the hardness, in the moments of our greatest effort, we find our own strength. We find that we can make it through the tough times- maybe not in the way that we would have liked – but we can make it through them and learn. We learn about ourselves… we learn about our children… and we learn that hard is not a word to be feared. It’s just another four letter word.
Follow my blog with Bloglovin